1. |
the third burrow
01:49
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i’m aggressive and passive
and therefore have lackage
of a proper way
to live my days
my parents say i have to go to college
so i can get a job
where i actually get paid
because success and happiness
are now separate
but only if you let them
but to me
happiness is the most successful thing
when i was 15
i thought the world
had been cruel to me
but now i’m only 17
but i realized
that love is created within me
and i’m happy
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2. |
pants
01:56
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3. |
hippy jamz
01:32
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above all things i choose loneliness cause it's what makes me happy
away from the plot-line others have in mind for me
i sit for hours trying to get my thoughts out
but my mind won't cooperate
over the last 3 years i became independent
but independence is loneliness and i think i'm okay with that
and i was looking up but you were looking down
my head is just a sea of words making metaphorical sounds
but don't you walk away from me you swore you'd never leave
and i try to be optimistic but sometimes it just doesn't work out for me
and i know my patience is thin
and i'm not the easiest person to deal with
but i am me and i am free
and i refuse to live up to anyone else's existence but me
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4. |
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wake up it’s 6 am you don’t have a lot of time
time is infancy and structure isn’t apart of my mind
my mom pushes me outside
suddenly i’m swimming in snow
with purple and green laser beams
my mind doesn’t even know
then my neighbors ask me about college
and i stare at them blankely
why don’t you ask me how i’ve been
you always ignore me 9 times out of 10
and i don’t understand
why we think we are always to busy for our fellow man
make time for what matters
make time for love, it matters
yes i am only a person
but i am indeed a person
i am
you
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5. |
the ihop chronicles
02:02
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You don't have to blame yourself
You don't have to blame anything
There is a reason for absolutely everything
And I am talking to myself
Yes I am talking to myself
And I talked to God and he told me kid 'you've got to love yourself'
And I said 'Father, I haven't done that for years now"
But you have to understand
That it is imperative
And I'm leaving in 2 months and I'm scared to death
Because i love my friends more than could ever be said
Over pancakes and apple juice in a silly booth
I love you guys with my hearts content
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6. |
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i've been leaving my decisions up to the flip of a coin
sometimes i don't listen but i know it's by choice
i've sat across a table from you
a number of times before
but not like this
you were always mine to adore
but i know it's not gonna be me this time
even though i wrote out all of the reasons why
i want to give this another try
you still have that look in your eyes
and honesty is the new policy
just please let me
let me be
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7. |
inside out
02:33
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i know i was only sixteen but i thought you were everything
and i'm gonna be eighteen but i'm moving across the country
i'm running to california
i'm sorry i didn't warn ya
i just didn't think that you'd care
and in seven months i'll be gone
and you'll forget the way my hands touched your hair
and you're begging please
open the door
open the door
open the door
and i'm saying i'm sorry
i can't do this anymore
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8. |
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it's becoming that time of year again
it's the time where i get stuck in my head
my friends noticed and they are getting conserned
most of them don't bother they say "ya live and ya learn"
it happens every time
yeah, i guess i'm fine
but it still hurts
the day after halloween, didn't really mean a thing to me
a year ago, but now it means mroe than you'll ever know
looking back on it, it's when i fell apart, it's when i lost control of my heart
i haven't spoken to my best friend in months
i'm not sure if it bothers me or not
if not then it bothers me more than i thought
i've gotta stop thinking
i swear it only leads to drinking
i've gotta stop thinking so much
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9. |
piñatas in the sky
01:47
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i'm not saying i wanna commit suicide
i'm not even saying that i want to die
i'm just saying that if i exploded
well
i think that'd be just fine
yeah well what's the point of anything, anyway
and why do i even care, anyway
it's not like i want to be here, anyway
it's not like anyone wants to see me here anyway
and what if when we all die
we all just puff up and explode like pinatas in the sky
and everything was happy
cause i'm sure as hell
none of us are happy
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10. |
collarbones
01:55
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and i don't want to go away
but i can't handle the responsibility
oh baby please don't cry
baby shut your eyes
just keep me a memory locked up deep inside
of all these things you will grow tired
and i've been trying so hard
to let the old habits go
and let myself move on
it's just i still think about you everyday
and all of the plans that we made
and i can't give you my heart if i'm still miles away
and i'm sorry
it's just i've got so much to prove to myself
like i don't need anybody else
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11. |
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and i wanna get so stoned that i start drinking my piss
cause the government is goin' to shit
and i'm not gonna stick around for it
and i, i'm just having a hard time
and i guess that's fine
and danny's passed out in the corner
and i'm just trying to laugh about
everything that has happened
everything bad always happens to me
i'm not complaining
i swear to god i'm not complaining
im just saying
that i haven't had it very easy
not that anyone
has ever had it easy
so if you haven't had it easy sing it with me
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12. |
apathetic ramblings
02:26
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it's been a rough couple months
but i'm trying to get better
i'm trying to wear clothing
more appropriate for the weather
but that's not me
and everybody knows it
i feel like the poster child
for rebellion-self-indulgence
well, i may not be hiding anymore
but i can still avoid you
so go and tell your friends
that i was up to no good
cause it's true
the anxiety is killing me
but it's not that bad
and i guess that's a contridiction
at least i'm not talking to my dad
and yeah that sounds bad
yeah it's fucking sad
but i stopped loving people
who just wouldn't love back
and i may not be hiding anymore
but i can still avoid
everyone i know
and try to play
at parking lot shows
to try and get someone to relate to the words that i sing
and i told you that i wouldn't
and i knew that i shouldn't
but i did it anyway
isn't that how all bad decisions start
cause that's how i went about breaking your heart
and that's when i knew that i was still the same as i was back then and
i'm not sorry
i disgust myself with how i can sleep through the night
and tell you i love you before i turn out the light
and i'm not meaning anything by this
i'm just trying to be honest
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13. |
turning points
02:29
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i don't wana go downstairs cause the memories of you are everywhere
and i'm scared
i'm fucking terrified
because i don't know how to live my life
you took your guilt downstairs
wrapped it up in sheets and kissed it everywhere
while you knew
i was doing anything at all to hold on to you
while you had lusted
it was us i trusted
i'm scared
i'm fucking terrified
to live my life
because what if it just doesn't work out anytime
i know we all feel like this sometimes
we don't want to go to college
or find a religion
or quit our smoking
or find a reason to start at all
and we don't wana work a 9 to 5 job with minimum wage
because sometimes it's not about getting paid
and i want to live
like i want to die
and i plan on enjoying my life
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14. |
i'm now a pacifist
01:19
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i'll continue to hide behind my weird tunings
i'll continue to hide behind my apathy
because that's what keeps me sane
when i feel like i'm going insane
and i feel like im going insane again
i'm not used to this
i'm used to being so goddamn independent
i'm not used to frowning when things make me sad
i'm not used to calling anyone my other half
i'm not used to wanting anyone around
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15. |
((backwheniwantedtodie))
01:33
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maybe one day ill get away from my tunings
until then ill hide behind them
do you know what that's like?
to want to hide from yourself
to want to die around everybody else
to want to be alone so you can panic in your room by yourself
do you know how i feel?
do you know how we all feel sometimes?
why do we tip-toe around it?
what's so bad about admitting that we all feel sad and alone sometimes?
i'm sitting here and im saying it's okay
i'm saying that it's okay that i still think about you everyday
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16. |
wisdom teeth
01:53
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you know me getting caught up in the little things
like how you would never brush your teeth
one day they will rot from all the soda you drink
i lost you but i didn't even blink
my wisdom teeth are growing in and i'm growing up
and i spread myself to thin
my wisdom teeth are growing in and i'm growing up
and i couldn't give any lesser of a fuck
you said no room for insecurities
that you only loved me
thinking about your crooked yellow teeth
and how they describe you perfectly
i hate ((love)) myself
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17. |
sexual song
02:35
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baby why don't you come here
and tell me all of the things you fear
you can hide it if you want
but you don't gotta hide from me dear
and i know it's been hard
cause i still look at you the same
and you still kiss me the same
why are we playing this game
and im trying not to think about the sex
and the drugs well i guess they haven't kicked in yet
and im trying so hard
to love you as you are
you are not mine
and i would do anything
to hear you say
'oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, please don't stop now'
i'm just getting started
cause i wana look between your eyes
and see the pleasure i'm causing between your thighs
and lust and love are mixing in my head
making me say things i wouldn't have said
and oh my god this is such a mess
i just want to be breathing down your neck
but i'm being greedy
tell me you love me
tell me you want to fuck me
all night long
sink in your teeth
i'll show you what this means to me
bite marks on my neck
i'm yours to wreak
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18. |
i used to be you
05:30
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July 26th, the day when my life turned upside down and I guess I’m grateful for it now but I’d be lying if I said that it still didn’t sting and that it took every inch of me not to grab a knife and cause myself to bleed. And Ill always remember sitting on my deck and pleading with god for a reason to carry on. for a reason to believe that life was worth it and MY GOD IS LIFE FUCKING WORTH IT. ITS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL AND TRAGIC AND SOMETIMES I DONT THINK I CAN EVEN HANDLE IT BUT I DO BECAUSE ITS SO BEAUTIFUL AND I TRY MY HARDEST TO UNDERSTAND THE THINGS THAT SEEM AS IF THEY CANNOT BE UNDERSTOOD. BUT I don’t think I’ll ever understand why we hurt the one’s we love. Most of the time it’s on purpose as well because lovers know eachother like a writer knows their own book. Now, I am anything but a writer but I know what makes her tick like a clock and sing like a crying child. And I’d be lying if I said I had never used that to my advantage. But I can think about the green tint in her eyes and the thousands of lies and to when I saw her for the last time, November 26th. We sat across a table and I forgave her. I FORGAVE HER. And I contemplated whether anything is better left unsaid but I said it anyway because I had to know. I HAVE TO KNOW. KNOWING IS EVERYTHING. and so now I know. She loves me but on December 26th, she greeted her lover in an airport and I’m not bitter about it but I am bitter about how she’s now standing in her house where I have stood. She’s sitting on her bed where I once sat. She’s watching her undress and smirking like I used to do. I want to grab her by the shoulders and scream I USED TO BE YOU. I wonder if she’s having any trouble sleeping like she used to.
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19. |
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